Category: Mommyhood

Baby, Life, Love, Mommyhood

Baby Names

nainadg

Ever since Avi was conceived we’ve had all sorts of nicknames for him and some of them are so cute and one day he will be too old for me or J to use and I’ll forget so here’s my list

Husib ( His very first name, when he was just a thought in J and my head)

He ( when he was born and I could only think of one person and pronouns worked perfectly)

Avinash

Avi

Baby Boy

Jiggly

Bunny butt

Bugaloo

Little man

Little dude

Monkey

Dadubhai

Gator Gator

Mousey

The ones that I use most are Avi, Baby boy, Monkey, Bunny Butt, Jiggly and of course a combination of them.

Like Jiggly + Bunny butt= Jiggly Butt or Bunny Jiggle or Gator + Monkey = GatorMon ( Sounds Jamaican, no?)

I’m lame. I know.

I still sometimes refer to him as husib when talking to J but usually “He” suffices just fine since 90% of our conversations now revolve around him. I wonder if husib will eventually fade out or J and I will use it even when Avi is all grown up.

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Speaking of conversations between me and J. Here is a weird one

J: Are you going to be one of those women who is in a hurry to get grandchildren

N: What?

J: You know will you want Avi to have kids

N: I’m mostly working on getting through tonight, so I haven’t thought that much about it

J: Now that I’m asking you, what do you think?

N: I doubt it, I don’t want more kids, so why would I want grandkids?

J: I don’t know, I just thought we should talk about it.

Uhmmm….okay. I don’t understand boys. I’m just going to leave it at that. Sadly, later that night I thought all about what kind of an adult Avi would be and how his wedding would be , etc etc etc and then I changed his diaper and came right back to reality.

Love, Mommyhood

Love/Fear

nainadg

These two words existing constantly sums up motherhood for me. I’m consumed by both these emotions. I am overwhelmed everytime I see Avi with an all engulfing love but I’m also terrified of him. When he fusses and cries and he has been fed, diapered, napped, burped, bounced, essentially everything I can think of and he still cries, I am overwhelmed with a fear. Because this love I feel for him makes both of us so vulnerable. I worry, that if  something ever happened to him because I felt to meet his need, I would fall apart.  I know I’m rambling, I only slept for 3 hours last night and I thought I’d reached the end of my rope, but after the last bfing session, Avi snuggled up and laid his head on my breast and I was back to being completely smitten.

How do they do that? Such a typical boy, they push your buttons and one little sweet gesture just reels you back in.

Mommyhood, Uncategorized

Month 1- The Iffy

nainadg

Avi is One month old today. Technically he was was four weeks old last monday but today is Jan 14th and he was born on Dec 14th. I can’t believe its been a whole month since that fateful night. Motherhood really does change your life in all sorts of ways – some predictable and cliched and some that you just can’t understand unless you become a mother.

Motherhood has not been super easy for me especially because of breastfeeding. Our second night in the hospital the night nurse told us that Avi had lost too much weight and we would have to start supplementing with formula immediately. We started supplementing and breastfeeding was super hard for me because I barely had any colostrum and Avi couldn’t latch on and I was plagued with a sense of failure and of course my post dural headache had my body in full shut down mode. We supplemented 3 times a day for 10 days and then we went to two until his pediatrician said we didn’t have to supplement anymore. However, my anxiety is such that I still give him 20 mls at bedtime just for my sanity. But its weird how much breastfeeding was tied to my self confidence as a mother. Since I felt that I could not nourish Avi with my body, I felt completely incompetent and was terrified that he was starving.  Thankfully, as of now it seems like we are at a good point now and I don’t worry as much but the underlying anxiety is still there.

Maybe becasue of my breastfeeding issues I was also really hesitant to take over caring for Avi and it felt like there were tons of people who were undermining my confidence but I finally started speaking up for myself and just trusting myself that I was his mom and that  my instincts were right. So overall things are much better emotionally for me.

However, just when we started to get my issues under control, Avi had to adjust to life without formula and that has upset his whole schedule and now he is up much more at nights and driving his Mama and Daddy up the wall. But I’m starting to feel like its going to come together as I tweak his schedule a little bit everyday so that we can all get into our groove.

Life, Mommyhood

BABY MAMA

nainadg

So First things first….I am not an American Idol fan, I have watched the show four times and that was the first four episodes this season, the one where they make fun of all the rejects. I did not know anything about Fantasia Barrino till I heard her single on my local hip hop radio station.

It was not a wannabe love ballad but a song that was about women like her. Young Single Mothers, who are struggling to get a break. Its not a typical Lil Kim(ish) song about how she wants to “grind” all night long and basically fulfill some guy’s porno dream. This song is the truth its about the changing face of American society. She uses the line ” Cuz we the backbone( of the “hood)” and she speaks the truth. These young women, as old as me, and maybe with half my resources are not only trying to raise themselves but to raise a child as well. In spite of the stigma still attached to single motherhood and the squeamish way guys act the minute a woman mentions she has a child these women and single mother families are here to stay. They might not have your or my approval or consent to their way of life but they are going to make sure they survive.
She also says its “a badge of honor” , which is a little bit of a stretch but I see where its coming from. If you get criticized constantly by the christian right, the crazy ass republicans who are waiting to snatch away your welfare check and dumbass liberals who feel that they have to “uplift” you for raising your child and trying to to do the best you can with the circumstances you ‘ve been dealt, you’d be a tad defensive too.

I’m not saying there isn’t drugs and poverty and crack and mothers on meth in the hood or even in sunny suburbia for that matter, or this is something to be glorified but I don’t think she is doing that in the song. Yes there are plenty of women who are terrible mothers and plenty of women who get pregnant for the wrong reasons and let their life while away, but most of them grow up real quick and its not too much that they expect a little sympathy and a little support from society.

I don’t know if Fantasia is a good artist or musician or a good baby mama but from what I’ve heard on this single she has my support for whatever kind of music she wants to make and raise her kid as well as she can.

Our society is changing whether we want it or not and when we are older there’s going to be a lot of kids who came from single parent households who will be taking care of us. Isn’t it better we embrace them instead of filling them with shame about their roots. I would rather see my future full of strong, independent citizens who didn’t grow up ashamed about their roots and with a chip on their shoulder.

Lyrics