Love, Mommyhood

Love/Fear

These two words existing constantly sums up motherhood for me. I’m consumed by both these emotions. I am overwhelmed everytime I see Avi with an all engulfing love but I’m also terrified of him. When he fusses and cries and he has been fed, diapered, napped, burped, bounced, essentially everything I can think of and he still cries, I am overwhelmed with a fear. Because this love I feel for him makes both of us so vulnerable. I worry, that if  something ever happened to him because I felt to meet his need, I would fall apart.  I know I’m rambling, I only slept for 3 hours last night and I thought I’d reached the end of my rope, but after the last bfing session, Avi snuggled up and laid his head on my breast and I was back to being completely smitten.

How do they do that? Such a typical boy, they push your buttons and one little sweet gesture just reels you back in.

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