This week I’ve had the blues about how I don’t have a perfect, fairy tale life where everything goes smoothly all the time. But then I come across this and knowing that I had this moment, I’m willing to deal with any number of imperfections for a few moments of perfect joy.
*Us, Circa 2010*
P.S He now has two new teef!!!
Disclaimer *If you are not a mom and do not deal with poop and diapers on a daily basis, this will gross you out*
I had 3 fun posts planned for this morning detailing the adventures of our weekend but then diarrhea happened and well I guess those posts will have to wait until later. I guess this one is all about the dark days of mommyhood. I think one of the hardest things of being a mom is watching your baby in pain and not be able to do anything about it. Poor Bun is in a lot of discomfort and all I can offer him now are cuddles, I think it helps but he just doesn’t understand why he feels so shady right now. I think thats one of the main reasons I’m looking forward to the days when he can talk and verbalize how he is feeling.
Anyway, all of this started yesterday morning when it seemed like we couldn’t change his dipes fast enough and his little butt was all red and itchy with the most horrid case of diaper rash I have ever seen. It was bugging him so much that it needed both me and J to do a diaper change because he would kick and scream and cry his little eyes out. We still weren’t too worried, he had had loose poop and diaper rash before, but we started getting concerned when this continued all through the night and the Bun couldn’t stay asleep cuz his tummy hurt and he was pooping so often. Also, he was eating his solids, but I had only been able to get him to drink 6 oz of formula in 12 hrs. We were seriously freaking out about him getting dehydrated. Also he cries and cries because his diaper rash bothers him when I change him and there is no way that will heal unless his diarrhea goes away and I just can’t stand watching him be in that much pain. I’ve been on the verge of tears all morning my self.
This morning J got some Pedialyte and we tried to give him that but I think he doesn’t like the taste and I’ve managed to get 4 more oz of formula and some super watery oatmeal in him. He still has diarrhea and is super tired and fatigued, which is seriously starting to make me wonder if we need to take him to the ER. I’m going to see how the next feed goes and then decide if I’m going to take him in. I really really really hope that we don’t have to.
It feels weird to type this all out and post it on the internet but J is crazy busy at work and has meetings today and I am all alone at home worrying and I just needed to get this out. I did however get some super cute pics of my lil Bun being a trooper. He looks so miserable and cute all at the same time.
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J and Bun and I are lucky enough that we get to spend time together as a family and do fun family activities, and eat dinner together and take strolls. But on a day to day basis, our lives are somewhat chaotic: we have crazy weeks, where we try to balance schedules and coordinate pick up times and try our best to stuff food down our face while the Bun is distracted and trying to pull the dog’s tail.
Not that I’m complaining, I know I have it so much easier than other people, I have a lot of help from my parents and we have a great support network of friends but every once in a while we have a day where the planets are so perfectly aligned and we have one of those sitcom family days. And since I bitch and moan about all the bad, its nice to blog the good.
Yesterday was a perfect day, it was so perfect that it felt like it was happening to someone else. J went to work early enough so that he could find a free parking spot and so I didn’t have to drive him to work. The Bun ate breakfast and napped right on schedule. After nap time I managed to make it into two grocery stores and my mom’s apt without him fussing, crying or throwing a fit.
There was a blissful 1 hour nap for both mommy and baby. And right at 5:30, just when I was getting ready to take dinner off the stove and Avi was finishing up the last of his dinner, J walked in and said “Honey,I’m home” and planted a kiss on me while dipping me dangerously and then smacking my ass. It was straight out of a 1950’s TV shows . OK so he didn’t really dip me.
He played with the baby and dogs while I finished dinner and then we actually* gasp* ate dinner together while the Bun happily played at our feet. (I know its like an alternate universe right?)
The Bun went down right at 8pm and slept all the way until midnight giving J and I a chance to ummm…indulge in…ummm… relations and cuddle and I actually went to bed before midnight! Woo hoo!
My takeaway from all this is- It must be nice living this life all the time. I wonder what I can do to make days like this happen more.The only dark cloud on my day was that Angelo didn’t win Top Chef, but hey a girl can’t have everything.
Also those pans are cleaner than they look, same goes for his shirt.
We just got back from our 9 month check up with the Bun’s pediatrician. Here are stats-
Weight- 17. 7 lbs – 10th percentile
Height- 27 in- 21st percentile
Head cm. 42 in – 71st percentile
The doctor said everything looks good. He has always been a skinny little baby and apparently thats just how its going to stay. She did say that its okay if he only drinks 15 oz of formula during the day and that we can eliminate night time feedings. Other than that, he is healthy and happy and everything seems fine.
Ummmm…My kid is in the 10th percentile, if he will drink formula at night, then I’m going to give it to him.
Yes, I know there should be some cool story behind this but there is really none. My beloved bun is just a goofball and does this anytime he is put in his pack and play. He no longer is put in the pack and play. Make what you will of this –
This is the one I’m going to show his prom date. I’m such a mean mommy.
STTN- sleeping through the night. I didn’t really know what these letters stood for until recently when my friend Jessica told me about it. Makes sense that I didn’t know what it meant because it does not happen in our house anymore – sleeping through the night. The Bun is 9 months old and is not showing any signs of wanting to sttn.
This is how our nights play out-
7:30- 8pm: We finish up bathtime, bottle and other bedtime routines and The Bun and I settle into our rocking chair and I sing and rock him to sleep. He is actually really good about going down fairly easily, he knows his cues and doesn’t fight me like he once did.
8:15pm- He is out and I have transferred him into his crib.
9:00- For the past two days he has woken up and I have had to go back to the nursery and soothe and pat him back to sleep. Its not too bad but I still wish he hadn’t added this into the mix
11:00-12- He wakes up for his first bottle and he usually drinks that next to me or J in our bed. Doing this in bed just transferred over from our breastfeeding days. Some night he doesn’t even drink an ounce and just settles in comfortably b/w us. Some nights he genuinely is hungry.
12:30am- If I’m not too tired and haven’t already passed out, I take him back to his crib. This has happened less frequently since J wasn’t here and our routines were a little different
4-5am- He wakes up for his second bottle and after this one J and I let him sleep with us until its time to wake up
7:30 am or earlier- He is up and ready and rested and super excited to start his day.
Now I get it that there are a lot of traditionalists who think he shouldn’t be in our bed to begin with , but we like sleeping with him and this partial cosleeping where he spends the first part of the night in his crib and the second part in ours works for us and for a while it was perfect where he would only wake up for the 2:30 am bottle and then settle in next to us. But lately even if we let him sleep next to us all night, he still wakes up during those times.
90% of the time, I’m okay with how things are- He is only a baby once and I’m okay that he needs me to help him go back to sleep. In fact some nights , I simply adore cuddling him and dozing off to sleep together. I’m definitely more in the Attachment Parenting camp , so I absolutely refuse to let him cry it out, I tried it for two nights and it was horrible for all of us. I have seen it work wonders for a lot of my friends babies but its just not for us.
But like all new mothers his not sleeping through the night really makes me doubt myself, Is it me? Are all the mothers who have “ferberized” or “sleep trained” and had great results really better mothers? Am I just doing something wrong? I must be if my child refuses to sleep. Worse, I worry that something is wrong with the Bun, that these are just early symptoms of some horrible disorder/disease and if only I can do something about it now, disaster will be averted. I’m always deeply aware that things could always be worse- being mother makes me acutely aware of the infinite dangers and frailties of human life but I’m still consumed by this one worry.
At this point I don’t even need him to not wake up during the night, I just wish he’d go back to the good old days where he woke up only once. Since I’m eternally optimistic , every night before bed I turn to J and say “Tonight’s the night, he’s going to do it , I can feel it in my bones.”
So, here I am typing this in bed, 12 am saying “Tonight’s the night, he’s going to do it, I can feel it in my bones.”
I gave the bun his first really bubblicious bubble bath recently and the reaction was super gratifying. He didn’t really notice anything was too different until his duckie disappeared under the bubbles and he discovered that splashing the water made the bubbles go away and come back. He liked this game so much that poor duckie remained under the bubbles for quite a while – forgotten.
After a good 3 months it was a “normal” saturday in our part of the town. Although in Durham, its not really going to cool down until November, this saturday was still cool and overcast enough that I put the Bun in full pants and a long sleeved shirt.
Here’s my baby enjoying his 9th month!
Pay special attention to our unintentionally matching outfits. What can I say the boy just gets good taste from his mother 😉
A few Friday’s ago J, Bun and I headed out to one of our favorite summer activities in Durham. During the summer The American Tobacco Campus has live free music from 6-8. This lovely grassy area is surrounded by bars and restaurants and families bring picnics or get takeout from the nearby restaurants. Its also a great time to hang out at Tyler’s beer garden and sample delicious beers. Usually, this is a group outing for us, with friends or my parents but this friday, it was just the three of us drinking beer {formula for some.. ahem} and sampling the new flavors of loco pops when we just decided to take some pics. These are some of my favorite
Orange You Grape 