This weekend it hit me that sometimes I really do just need to shut up! I feel like I might have betrayed so many intimate moments throughout my life just because of my need to vent. I don’t think I’ve divulged specific secrets or things that were explicitly private but maybe small moments that are in that gray area. I don’t if thats a betrayal to vent about things bothering you but I feel like I can no longer call myself a loyal person, at least for a little while. I havent’ done anything terrible, but I think I just need to shut up sometimes.
When J and I were younger we would have discussions about how every human being has one virtue. J’s was patience, mine was loyalty. Am I still loyal? As I get older and the relationships with my friends which once seemed like a lifeline erode into weekly phone calls and facebook pages, and husbands and familial ties become more prominent, I don’t know where my loyalties must lie
Does love mean a barrier of secrets? How many people’s secrets am I supposed to keep and what if they are also your secrets? I am just sorry that I have never asked these questions earlier? Not that I know the answers, but perhaps I will be more mindful.
Seems rather shallow to feel remorseful over something so trivial, when I probably should be remorseful for so many of my unconcious actions but that is too overwhelming to even ponder.
Blah…I don’t understand the point of this post. Needless to say, I’m feeling rather blue today.
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