Life, Love

Wedding Season

I don’t really want to get married. Yet.

However, all the wedding invitations that are pouring in, sure aren’t helping. I made up my mind before I moved out here that I won’t bring up getting married with J, ever. Well atleast, till 1 more year. So last night when i got kinda got a “why is everyone getting married except me” funk, i got kinda quiet. Not mean and not mad, just quiet. My guess is he knew why and kept trying to ask me what was wrong, but I persevered and did not say a word. Its a stupid game i know. But I feel a sense of control, like having the upper hand, if i dont mention marriage. I don’t think I’ll bring it up for another 6 mos, that would be a year after living together and see if we can start talking marriage realistically. If we can’t then one of us or maybe even both of us are in the wrong place.

I really don’t think I’m ready to get married yet, but I feel like I’m ready to have a wedding. I want to register for gifts and worry about favors and have everyone be happy for me. Thats the biggest challenge, seperating marriage from wedding. Am i ready to be with Jeff for the rest of my life….? Its a question I’d rather not answer. Am I ready for a party? Hell yeah!

Early Twenties + Live in Relationship + 1 neo feminist+ 1 complacent chauvanist= marriage angst hell

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